Equality?

Our nation took another step away from freedom in the name of tolerance.  The Supreme Court said that states had no ability to define marriage.  Gay marriage is now ok.

Here's the problem.  The Federal Government doesn't issue marriage liscences.  Marriage is 100% a state issue.  I know.  I've performed weddings in four states. 

This is just one more case of the liberals in Washington stripping away our rights, especially the first amendment.  This isn't equality.  In truth, in everything that is right, the government should recognize "civil unions" for hetero or homo.  Marriage should be left where it started, in the church, ordained by God.

Stupid

Got another one on the list. A guy at church today implied that his wife thinks I'm a homosexual. Why? Because I'm 26 and single. Isn't that great? I hate stupidity. Ignore the fact that he's on his second marriage, and his daughter from his first marriage won't speak to him.

How about we look at Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:8-9,27. Both Paul and JESUS say it is better to be single. So why am I harassed and abused for being single? I like many singles, am sick of the way that I am treated for following God's will for my life. I hear about it constantly, especially from the two guys that I work with who both got married straight out of college. Every week has turned into harass the single guy. It is becoming a bone of contention between me and two men that I respect and consider good friends.

If you are single, know that you aren't alone. If you are married, encourage a single you know. And no, "you will find the right person someday" does not count as encouragement. You aren't God. You don't get to make a plan for them.

To my future wife

Now I don't know if I will ever get married. At this point, a date seems well out of reach. Anyway, since Dad's passing, I've been feeling a particular desire to find the comfort and intimacy that comes through a marital relationship, not that there's anything I can do about it. Regardless, I thought that I would right a note to anyone that I would marry.

I don't really know how to start. I know that I will not be a perfect
husband. As much as I want to be a Knight in shining armor, I know that my
armor has chinks in it, has some blood from my wounds, has some rust. But
that's not who I want to be, especially in your eyes. I want, no I need,
in a deep, spiritual way, to see you look me in the eye. I recently
watched the new Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie. That's who I want
to be, the hero that is willing to fight when no one else will, no matter the
consequences. I want to be able to earn your love through my action and
honor.

I also know that isn't realistic. I will screw up, probably
badly. I will not pay enough attention to you and your needs, a hazard of
ministry. Moreover, I, through selfish action and pride, I will hurt
you. I know in those times, you won't want to look at me like your
hero. It reminds me of a popular song from my teen years. "If I grow
crazy then will you still call me Superman?" Know that in those times, I
will need you more than ever. I won't need you to nag me back into
submission. I will need you to remind me that I am your Knight, that you
still love me, that I am a good man, even when I don't feel any of that.
Because if you can make me believe that you believe that, then maybe I can
believe it too. I will fight to become what you see in me, for good or for
bad.

As I have said on the profile, I am a romantic at heart. Maybe this sounds like the romantic ramblings of a lonely man who has little experience in the way things really operate. Maybe. But I think deep down, this is the desire of how all men wished their relationships worked. So ladies, remember that he needs a partner, not a yapping chiwawa. You can be a source of strength, or a source of added stress in the time he needs it least.

The Lies We Tell

I would say that the deadliest poison in our society is pornography. Why the deadliest? Because it does not kill people. It destroys families, homes, lives, even societies. Did you know that in the middle east, America is known as the Great Satan? They use our TV shows and internet as proof. Its all pornographic, showing, in their minds, our evil.

I've seen way too many families, homes, people, churches, careers brought down by pornography. It is deadly. Part of its deadliness is that it comes in a variety of forms. It also does not seem that bad. Many today say that is it "normal" and that "everyone does it." But its not. You also hear "I looked, but I didn't touch" and "it doesn't hurt anyone." ALL LIES.

True, pornography has been found in ancient Greece and Rome, places known for depravity. From the greek, we derive the word "Hedonism." If you argue that its normal because it is so old, than so is murder and pediophilea. Not everyone does it. Most do not, especially in most cultures. As far as the other two, it does hurt other people. If a man looks as porn, it hurts his wife. But I'm going to get to that. And as far as the user, 40% of men have a "serious problem" meaning addiction.

When we think of porn today, we think of what is known as "hard core" pornography. But it means more. Websters defines pornography as

1. the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2. material (as a book or photograph that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement.

If you're paying attention, anything designed to make you aroused is porn. This includes TV, music videos, movies, posters, Victoria's Secret catalogues, etc. It can be virtually anything. Making it that much more subtle and dangerous. Psychologists also say that viewing such things imprints the memory in ways few other things do. It stays with you. It is always there to recall. It is a poison with barbs. Once it gets in, it doesn't leave. I know from experience. They poison stays with me.

Men have a question that we always ask, deep in our hearts. "Do I have what it takes? Am I strong enough? Am I a real man?" The question takes a variety of wordings, but it all comes down to the fear that when we are called upon to stand strong, when we are tested, we won't be enough. This is especially true in our relationships with the opposite sex (impotence literally translated means "without power").

When we turn to porn, the lie we tell ourselves is that these women do these things FOR US. It makes us feel like they believe in us. Sadly, what men do to make ourselves feel adequet is the same thing that makes women feel inadequet, like they aren't beautiful enough to please us. (Not that they exist to please us, but it makes still makes them feel not enough) You can see how the poison destroys the bond of a husband and wife. He feels not enough, so he turns to porn. She catches him, they argue, and she withdraws and withholds herself. He feels more inadequet, and goes back to porn. Their relationship dies, as does their individual selves. Porn destroys not just the consumer, but those around him.

I hope that this helps men understand why they are drawn to it, why they need it. And I hope women can understand it's not because they aren't beautiful enough, but because we feel SO WEAK. Don't take this as an excuse, but maybe enough understanding to help us survive.

Singleness

Lately, I've been forced to think a lot about being single. Being alone. I've been asked to speak on this issue, but it forces me to confront and speak on loneliness. It makes me think about what drives the behavior of single people. Allow me to add and exerpt.

Let me be very, very honest for a moment. I’m there. I know what its like to constantly have on a TV or radio, even if you’re not paying attention to them just so that it isn’t so quiet. I know the dinners for one. I know eating at the kitchen table, staring across at the empty seat in front of you. I know the fact that every TV show, every movie, every song on the radio seems to be involve relationships, taunting you, implying that you are incomplete because you are alone. I know that with every friend’s wedding, every child born, there are feelings of happiness mixed with guilt, because you want that. Let’s be brutally honest. I know desire for sex, and the temptation to be frustrated with God because He made us sexual beings, but has not given us a relief. I also know the late nights, sleeping in a bed where only one side is slept in, and more than sex you wish you had someone to hold and to hold you. I know that temptation to give into the siren’s song of the e-harmony commercials. I know the wondering if there is anyone out there for you. I know the wondering if there is something wrong with you, or if you are for some reason being punished.

I know the bitterness that comes every time someone tries to give “helpful advice.” They say things like “there’s a glove for every hand” or “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” or even trying to spiritualize it and say things like “for every Adam there’s Eve.” Sometimes you get things like “all in God’s timing” or “He’s got the right person out there. He’s just preparing them for you.” I know the thoughts of “easy for you to say when you’re already married.” I know the nervousness of being fixed up by a well-meaning person only to find you have about as much chemistry with this person as you do with that awkward cousin you see once every three years and how that can reinforce your feelings of inadequacy. I don’t know about girls, but as a guy I know meeting someone knew, and catching yourself stealing a glance at the ring finger to see if they’re spoken for, and the embarrassment that follows. I know feeling like you’re the one sock that comes out of the dryer without its pair. I know the wondering, worrying, if there is anyone out there for you. I know, because I’m there too.

For those of you who are there, you're not the only one who feels alone. Hang in there. I'm with you. You know what? You and I might never find someone. But let me tell you something I believe with all my heart. You cannot be content with someone until you are content alone. Otherwise you will seek fulfillment from that other person in ways that they cannot give you.

Now, for those of you who are the advice givers, we've heard it too much. Just leave us for a little while. Let us vent without the quips. Biggest thing you can do to comfort us to to be our friend. I know when I am the most loney, that's when a call to one of my college buddies is the biggest pick-me-up. Just be our friends. Help us to do something to take our minds off it, like video games or whatever in the world girls do.

Its OK to be single. Jesus and Paul even said its better. (Want a surpise? Read 1 Corinthians 7 sometime). I'm not opposed to marriage, neither were they. But singleness have advantages of being able to do whatever you are called to do without concern for your spouse. It is difficult to deal with feelings of loneliness, but better this then getting involved with the wrong person. Many do, based on fear of being alone, and suffer for it.