To my future wife

Now I don't know if I will ever get married. At this point, a date seems well out of reach. Anyway, since Dad's passing, I've been feeling a particular desire to find the comfort and intimacy that comes through a marital relationship, not that there's anything I can do about it. Regardless, I thought that I would right a note to anyone that I would marry.

I don't really know how to start. I know that I will not be a perfect
husband. As much as I want to be a Knight in shining armor, I know that my
armor has chinks in it, has some blood from my wounds, has some rust. But
that's not who I want to be, especially in your eyes. I want, no I need,
in a deep, spiritual way, to see you look me in the eye. I recently
watched the new Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie. That's who I want
to be, the hero that is willing to fight when no one else will, no matter the
consequences. I want to be able to earn your love through my action and
honor.

I also know that isn't realistic. I will screw up, probably
badly. I will not pay enough attention to you and your needs, a hazard of
ministry. Moreover, I, through selfish action and pride, I will hurt
you. I know in those times, you won't want to look at me like your
hero. It reminds me of a popular song from my teen years. "If I grow
crazy then will you still call me Superman?" Know that in those times, I
will need you more than ever. I won't need you to nag me back into
submission. I will need you to remind me that I am your Knight, that you
still love me, that I am a good man, even when I don't feel any of that.
Because if you can make me believe that you believe that, then maybe I can
believe it too. I will fight to become what you see in me, for good or for
bad.

As I have said on the profile, I am a romantic at heart. Maybe this sounds like the romantic ramblings of a lonely man who has little experience in the way things really operate. Maybe. But I think deep down, this is the desire of how all men wished their relationships worked. So ladies, remember that he needs a partner, not a yapping chiwawa. You can be a source of strength, or a source of added stress in the time he needs it least.