VMA response

I don't want to say something in poor taste. How about "Ew..."

How about I let someone else say it better.

http://heseltonhappenings.blogspot.com/2013/08/vma-debacle.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FDTEnZ+%28Heselton+Happenings%29

Integrity

One of the most troubling things in our culture is the lack of integrity. Integrity is a complicated term, but one that is a chief value that I was raised with. As my personal code of the Knight 4 Today, this is one of the top virtues.

Before I was ordained into ministry, one of the questions that I was asked was "What is the most important quality of a leader?" After a few seconds thought, I answered "Integrity." What is integrity?

There is a famous quote about integrity. "Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking." Just really think about that for a moment. Who are you when no one is looking? How honest is your tax return? How many "little white lies" do you tell, when you know no one will find out? How do you act around your friends? How do you treat your family? Are you different at church than alone?

But this is only one definition of integrity, according to Websters (their technical definition to this is "firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values; incorruptability"). The second they give is "unimpaired condition; soundness." Think of it like building a building. I don't care what color you paint the room if the foundation is crumbling and the supports are rotting. I've been house hunting lately, so know what this looks like. You may appear fine on the surface, but how's your heart? This week a kid walked into his high school and shot five people, killing three (so far). His friend said "This doesn't make any sense. He bottled stuff up, but this just doesn't seem like him." The paint was fine, but the structure was rotten. He was unsound. This leaves a simple question: do we do right to avoid getting in trouble, or do you do right because your heart is good?

The third definition is one we need in this culture. "The quality and state of being complete and undivided." That's what we need. Many people in our society go to church. Yet, they say that is their "religous compartment." It's like a set of dresser drawers. They go to church, but close that drawer. At work they lie and steal and tell inappropriate jokes. Those people don't even know that they go to church, which is why they don't invite those people to church. Then after work, they go to the bar and get drunk, maybe even have a one-night stand. Or they go home and treat their families like dirt, before jumping on the internet to feed their porn addiction, then wonder why their wives don't feel affectionate (ok, small rant there). The point is, they say that their religious compartment doesn't affect the rest of their lives. That's the opposite of integrity.

I was once asked "What do you want your tombstone to say?" My answer is simple, "Minister of the Gospel; Man of Integrity." My worst fear is not heights, or any other things that I fear. My greatest fear is to lose everything because of sexual misconduct, because I've seen so many men (especially leaders) taken out of the fight for that very reason. I want to be a man of integrity, above all else.

I'm thinking about developing an Oath for the Modern Knight, specifically for a young man I've been mentoring. If I do, integrity will be a key virtue of the modern day knight. If you want to be a Knight 4 Today too, vow with me to strive for true integrity.

Kylie Bisutti

A little while ago, I did a post called "The Cost." (click here to read) Jesus talked a lot about what you had to give up to follow him.

This morning, I awoke to a news story that Victoria's Secret model Kylie Bisutti decided to give up working for that company because it clashed with her Christian beleifs. It was her dream and she wanted to do it for a while, but now she was giving all that up for her husband and for God.

That leaves me conflicted. People want to praise her. "Oh look, isn't that great. She's giving it up for her faith." But I just think, "WHAT TOOK SO LONG?"

If she had these beliefs all along, why did she choose to go into a career that she knew displeased God? You know that I feel strongly about this, as I've written several times on it. She chose to ignore her beliefs to support and industry of sin, specifically lust.

On side of me wants to say, well, she's maturing in her faith. We all start out spiritually immature, babies the Bible calls us. Then we grow. As we grow, we develop stronger convictions.

But she makes it sound like she had these convictions all along, she just did it anyway because it was what she really wanted. Luke 9:62 says, "Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Did she "look back" deciding only to follow God after she did what she wanted? If so, then Jesus proclaims harsh judgment. Or was she a spiritual infant, and she's learning now what it means to follow Jesus. I'm glad it's not my job to judge, because I'm not the God who knows what's in men's heart. I'm also glad, that God is a God who forgives screw ups like me and Kylie, if we are willing to pay the cost to follow Him. I hope that at the judgment, Jesus will look at me, look at Kylie, and look at you and say, "They sinned. But I died. They turned their lives over to Me. This one is one of Mine."

And God, fill all your people with your Holy Spirit, to show us the sins we aren't aware of so we can have a closer walk with your son.

Pornation

I've been thinking about porn. No, not like that. Its a major problem in our world. 45% of men admit having a serious problem with porn. Admit. And it is so accessible. It is common. USA Network has a new show called Covert Affairs. The opening in the show involves the very hot actress taking her top off three times in the first minute. Way to have integrity.

Then you have the latest Miley "No longer Hannah Montana" music video. She is in a provocative outfit, in a bird cage, dancing like a stripper. With celebrities like her to look up to, is it a wonder teenage or even preteen girls are making pornographic pictures and videos and putting them online?

For more, please watch this video.

I intend to write more on this in the future. With this being such a big problem, I hope that this blog can not just share my opinions on things, but be a forum for help for those struggling with this issue.

Addiction

Lately I have been talking to someone about their struggle with pornography and masturbation. He trusts me because he knows me well. I am something of an expert on the subject of pornography. I was 13 when I first view pornography. Within a year, I was addicted to pornography and masturbation.

That led to its own list of complex issues that I will save for a later date, but suffice it to say in time I was convicted of the damage it was doing to me spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I have since then put much time and effort into the study of addiction, and the causes and effects of pornography addiction.

I've written on this once and will write on it more, but let me say some things. First, there is hope. I spent years masturbating nightly, as many did. In Alcoholics Anonymous, they teach them that there is no such thing as a former alcoholic. If you are like me, you will never be a former addict, whether it is to alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, tobacco, food, shopping, etc. If you get a taste of it again, even when in recovery, you will tend to binge. But you can be in recovery. It was a slow process for me. I should say it IS a slow process for me, but it is better than it was.

Second, let me remind you that this is a fight. Satan wants us to harm us. We are wounded, and will continue to be. There will be times we won't feel like fighting. We'll feel like we already lost, or never will win. But we already have won the war. Right now I'm watching the HBO series Band of Brothers. When Germany was beat, there was still fighting to be done. There were still people killed and wounded. Satan has lost. But there are still casualties. Don't loose hope. Keep fighting.

Another thing is get help. Get someone who you can talk to, who can ask you the tough questions, like "How are you? No, how are you REALLY?" and "How many times this week?" It needs to be someone you can call at 3am to talk to when you are struggling. Also I have some recommendations. Not Even a Hint and Every Man's Battle (Every Young Man's Battle is good for singles, but Every Man's is good for married men. That's right, this doesn't go away when you're married.) are good books. There's also XXX-church.com. These resources are good. I recommend reading those books with that trusted friend. Just like in a real war, or even a football game this isn't a solo effort.

The Lies We Tell

I would say that the deadliest poison in our society is pornography. Why the deadliest? Because it does not kill people. It destroys families, homes, lives, even societies. Did you know that in the middle east, America is known as the Great Satan? They use our TV shows and internet as proof. Its all pornographic, showing, in their minds, our evil.

I've seen way too many families, homes, people, churches, careers brought down by pornography. It is deadly. Part of its deadliness is that it comes in a variety of forms. It also does not seem that bad. Many today say that is it "normal" and that "everyone does it." But its not. You also hear "I looked, but I didn't touch" and "it doesn't hurt anyone." ALL LIES.

True, pornography has been found in ancient Greece and Rome, places known for depravity. From the greek, we derive the word "Hedonism." If you argue that its normal because it is so old, than so is murder and pediophilea. Not everyone does it. Most do not, especially in most cultures. As far as the other two, it does hurt other people. If a man looks as porn, it hurts his wife. But I'm going to get to that. And as far as the user, 40% of men have a "serious problem" meaning addiction.

When we think of porn today, we think of what is known as "hard core" pornography. But it means more. Websters defines pornography as

1. the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2. material (as a book or photograph that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement.

If you're paying attention, anything designed to make you aroused is porn. This includes TV, music videos, movies, posters, Victoria's Secret catalogues, etc. It can be virtually anything. Making it that much more subtle and dangerous. Psychologists also say that viewing such things imprints the memory in ways few other things do. It stays with you. It is always there to recall. It is a poison with barbs. Once it gets in, it doesn't leave. I know from experience. They poison stays with me.

Men have a question that we always ask, deep in our hearts. "Do I have what it takes? Am I strong enough? Am I a real man?" The question takes a variety of wordings, but it all comes down to the fear that when we are called upon to stand strong, when we are tested, we won't be enough. This is especially true in our relationships with the opposite sex (impotence literally translated means "without power").

When we turn to porn, the lie we tell ourselves is that these women do these things FOR US. It makes us feel like they believe in us. Sadly, what men do to make ourselves feel adequet is the same thing that makes women feel inadequet, like they aren't beautiful enough to please us. (Not that they exist to please us, but it makes still makes them feel not enough) You can see how the poison destroys the bond of a husband and wife. He feels not enough, so he turns to porn. She catches him, they argue, and she withdraws and withholds herself. He feels more inadequet, and goes back to porn. Their relationship dies, as does their individual selves. Porn destroys not just the consumer, but those around him.

I hope that this helps men understand why they are drawn to it, why they need it. And I hope women can understand it's not because they aren't beautiful enough, but because we feel SO WEAK. Don't take this as an excuse, but maybe enough understanding to help us survive.