Happy Singleness Awareness Day

Sorry it's late.  This is the first time I've made it out of my driveway in days due to snow.

Leave us Alone

So there’s been a lot going on lately that I want to just say “Leave me alone.” There has been way too many people trying to get into my business.

For example, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is running ads in eight states, not New York, advocating people to call their Congressional Representatives and Senators to get them to pass gun control. Dude, you are the mayor of New York not the United States. You have gun control where you live. What I do, what those that represent me on a federal level do, is our business, not yours. Leave me alone. (I would also be remiss to fail to mention that the commercial featured some of the worst gun safety ever seen.)

Then former funny man Jim Carey released a video against guns, claiming Charlton Heston didn’t go to heaven because he liked guns. Didn’t mention that Heston was one of the early civil rights advocates in Hollywood, you know, before it was cool. The video also featured Ghandi, who once said one of the worst things England did to India was to deny them the right to bear arms. Think about this: Carey is famous for talking from his butt, literally, and for trying to make it illegal for me to vaccinate my kids, despite the fact that more people died from the mumps last year than guns. Hmm… Here’s an idea Jim, why don’t you try to get a career again, and keep your talking rear out of my business. Leave me alone.

Reverend Lyon of St. John’s Episcopal Church said that as a Christian, I have to be racist, pushing “blacks back to the back of the bus.” I hate to tell you, you idiotic psychopath, but it was DEMOCRAT governors that turned the fire hoses on people protesting for civil rights. Who were those protestors? CHRISTIANS!!! Even Dr. King was a Reverend. So stop trying to rewrite history and stop trying to tell me what I’m supposed to believe. Leave me alone.

A Princeton Alumnus sent a letter to all female students telling them that they needed to get married before they graduated. (In that letter, she also said that blue collar people are stupid. For one, some of the smartest people you’ll ever meet are blue collar. You want the guy who fixes you car to be smart. One of the smartest people you’ll meet is a construction worker, who needs to decided how many braces go into your ceiling and at what angles to keep your roof from collapsing when you get three feet of snow.) What is it any of your business when they marry, or who? Leave them alone.

Personally, I believe in freedom. I don’t want the government to tell me to buy Health Insurance, let alone require it after making it more expensive for me to do so. I don’t want overregulation for the sake of giving some government paper-pusher something to do. I’m an American. I want to be left alone, to seek to live my own life.

Happy Singleness Awareness Day

Got this from facebook. Enjoy!

Stupid

Got another one on the list. A guy at church today implied that his wife thinks I'm a homosexual. Why? Because I'm 26 and single. Isn't that great? I hate stupidity. Ignore the fact that he's on his second marriage, and his daughter from his first marriage won't speak to him.

How about we look at Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:8-9,27. Both Paul and JESUS say it is better to be single. So why am I harassed and abused for being single? I like many singles, am sick of the way that I am treated for following God's will for my life. I hear about it constantly, especially from the two guys that I work with who both got married straight out of college. Every week has turned into harass the single guy. It is becoming a bone of contention between me and two men that I respect and consider good friends.

If you are single, know that you aren't alone. If you are married, encourage a single you know. And no, "you will find the right person someday" does not count as encouragement. You aren't God. You don't get to make a plan for them.

My Insecurity

I've been wrestling with my own insecurity a lot lately. John Eldridge, in his book Wild At Heart, writes that all men have the question written on their hearts "Am I enough?" Each man also has a wound from a time when that question was answered "No."

Lately the spear has been stuck in my gut answering the question "no." My boss keeps telling me I need to get over it. That doesn't help. It only makes me insecure about how aparent my insecurity is. Wonderful isn't it?

In many ways related to my job, I feel like a boy. Coordinating resistant volunteer who SHOULD but don't is a difficult and frustrating task. It also hurts that during my younger days, my dad was also fired from this job. I talk a good, confident game, but may actually be one of the most insecure men that I regularly spend time with. I've even had trouble accepting compliments my entire life, because I just know those people are lying.

It is easier to spot a certain type of men than others. That is the classic know-it-all. I have had several friends over the years who if they don't know something, make it up. They don't set out to be liars or obnoxious, they are just trying to relate. Many confident people are trying to prove their confidence and competence to others, because if they can convince you, they just may convince themselves too. Actors Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford both admit to sever insecurity, and started acting because instead of having to be themselves, they could be someone else.

I guess we all have our areas. Lately I have just felt consumed by it. I guess I wonder if those I work with figure out that I have no idea what I'm doing if they will get rid of me. I also wonder if someone else could do a better job, and in my weaker moments wonder if they should so that my church can grow. Our attendence has crashed over the summer, and I guess I again find myself secretly wondering if it is my fault or more specifically, if I could have prevented it.



I think that part of it may also involve my resistance to dating. Most of my life I have been the outcast. I was the last pick for dodgeball, baseball, and everything else. I'm just used to being a loser, and being told so. I've never really succeeded in anything in my life until now. I used to believe that everyone was they best they knew at SOMETHING. (This does not include professionals or celebrities, just those they really knew.) It seems foolish now, but that's what I thought. And I was mediocre at everything.

Anyway, I'm so used to being the outsider that rejection is my normal. I have always been the third wheel. Even among my closest friends in college, there was three of us. And it was "John and Robyn" and I was along. Now my closest friends here are married. And I'm not sure that's God's plan for me, despite constant outside pressure. So I continue to feel like a spare tire.

What am I to do about this? Nothing really works right now. I've not been sleeping well, so my depression is in swing. I just look to the return of Jesus, when He will make all things right, including me. Satan may have wounded me, torn some holes in my armor, but he can't kill me. I'll just keep limping on until then.

Such an annoying feeling

Ok, its one of those days. Its one of those frustrating days. Frustrating enough I'm breaking my rule about not posting at work. Its one of those days when I find myself thinking "Man I wish I had a girlfriend."

I hate those days. Especially since I don't really date much. I don't really care much. I know part of it comes from the fact that I keeping getting online adds with gorgeous women that says "Want a Girlfriend?" Its one of those dating websites that have been described as a digital bar. You look at pictures of unobtainable people that will reject you. Not my idea of fun.

I'm generally opposed to dating websites. Way I figure it, the women on there must be lonely and desperate. That's not the kind of women that I want to date. Yet the ads have an appeal. Movies and TV shows are filled with scenes of romance, that also egg singles on to feelings of incompleteness. Its frustrating as can be.

It generally sucks to be single. Especially if you are going to remain that way (at least for a while). You can be brutalized in our culture. Its worse if all your friends are couples.

I like my single life. I like not compromising or sharing. I like having my stuff, because as the man I know if I get married "our stuff" means my stuff gets put in the basement or garage while she gets the house. I like that I can do what I want at the last minute without calling someone for permission. Its wonderful. I enjoy mocking the married men about being whipped.

Yet, the feelings are there today. That's so annoying. So if you're single, here's to you. I'm right there with you.

Singleness

Lately, I've been forced to think a lot about being single. Being alone. I've been asked to speak on this issue, but it forces me to confront and speak on loneliness. It makes me think about what drives the behavior of single people. Allow me to add and exerpt.

Let me be very, very honest for a moment. I’m there. I know what its like to constantly have on a TV or radio, even if you’re not paying attention to them just so that it isn’t so quiet. I know the dinners for one. I know eating at the kitchen table, staring across at the empty seat in front of you. I know the fact that every TV show, every movie, every song on the radio seems to be involve relationships, taunting you, implying that you are incomplete because you are alone. I know that with every friend’s wedding, every child born, there are feelings of happiness mixed with guilt, because you want that. Let’s be brutally honest. I know desire for sex, and the temptation to be frustrated with God because He made us sexual beings, but has not given us a relief. I also know the late nights, sleeping in a bed where only one side is slept in, and more than sex you wish you had someone to hold and to hold you. I know that temptation to give into the siren’s song of the e-harmony commercials. I know the wondering if there is anyone out there for you. I know the wondering if there is something wrong with you, or if you are for some reason being punished.

I know the bitterness that comes every time someone tries to give “helpful advice.” They say things like “there’s a glove for every hand” or “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” or even trying to spiritualize it and say things like “for every Adam there’s Eve.” Sometimes you get things like “all in God’s timing” or “He’s got the right person out there. He’s just preparing them for you.” I know the thoughts of “easy for you to say when you’re already married.” I know the nervousness of being fixed up by a well-meaning person only to find you have about as much chemistry with this person as you do with that awkward cousin you see once every three years and how that can reinforce your feelings of inadequacy. I don’t know about girls, but as a guy I know meeting someone knew, and catching yourself stealing a glance at the ring finger to see if they’re spoken for, and the embarrassment that follows. I know feeling like you’re the one sock that comes out of the dryer without its pair. I know the wondering, worrying, if there is anyone out there for you. I know, because I’m there too.

For those of you who are there, you're not the only one who feels alone. Hang in there. I'm with you. You know what? You and I might never find someone. But let me tell you something I believe with all my heart. You cannot be content with someone until you are content alone. Otherwise you will seek fulfillment from that other person in ways that they cannot give you.

Now, for those of you who are the advice givers, we've heard it too much. Just leave us for a little while. Let us vent without the quips. Biggest thing you can do to comfort us to to be our friend. I know when I am the most loney, that's when a call to one of my college buddies is the biggest pick-me-up. Just be our friends. Help us to do something to take our minds off it, like video games or whatever in the world girls do.

Its OK to be single. Jesus and Paul even said its better. (Want a surpise? Read 1 Corinthians 7 sometime). I'm not opposed to marriage, neither were they. But singleness have advantages of being able to do whatever you are called to do without concern for your spouse. It is difficult to deal with feelings of loneliness, but better this then getting involved with the wrong person. Many do, based on fear of being alone, and suffer for it.