Singleness

Lately, I've been forced to think a lot about being single. Being alone. I've been asked to speak on this issue, but it forces me to confront and speak on loneliness. It makes me think about what drives the behavior of single people. Allow me to add and exerpt.

Let me be very, very honest for a moment. I’m there. I know what its like to constantly have on a TV or radio, even if you’re not paying attention to them just so that it isn’t so quiet. I know the dinners for one. I know eating at the kitchen table, staring across at the empty seat in front of you. I know the fact that every TV show, every movie, every song on the radio seems to be involve relationships, taunting you, implying that you are incomplete because you are alone. I know that with every friend’s wedding, every child born, there are feelings of happiness mixed with guilt, because you want that. Let’s be brutally honest. I know desire for sex, and the temptation to be frustrated with God because He made us sexual beings, but has not given us a relief. I also know the late nights, sleeping in a bed where only one side is slept in, and more than sex you wish you had someone to hold and to hold you. I know that temptation to give into the siren’s song of the e-harmony commercials. I know the wondering if there is anyone out there for you. I know the wondering if there is something wrong with you, or if you are for some reason being punished.

I know the bitterness that comes every time someone tries to give “helpful advice.” They say things like “there’s a glove for every hand” or “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” or even trying to spiritualize it and say things like “for every Adam there’s Eve.” Sometimes you get things like “all in God’s timing” or “He’s got the right person out there. He’s just preparing them for you.” I know the thoughts of “easy for you to say when you’re already married.” I know the nervousness of being fixed up by a well-meaning person only to find you have about as much chemistry with this person as you do with that awkward cousin you see once every three years and how that can reinforce your feelings of inadequacy. I don’t know about girls, but as a guy I know meeting someone knew, and catching yourself stealing a glance at the ring finger to see if they’re spoken for, and the embarrassment that follows. I know feeling like you’re the one sock that comes out of the dryer without its pair. I know the wondering, worrying, if there is anyone out there for you. I know, because I’m there too.

For those of you who are there, you're not the only one who feels alone. Hang in there. I'm with you. You know what? You and I might never find someone. But let me tell you something I believe with all my heart. You cannot be content with someone until you are content alone. Otherwise you will seek fulfillment from that other person in ways that they cannot give you.

Now, for those of you who are the advice givers, we've heard it too much. Just leave us for a little while. Let us vent without the quips. Biggest thing you can do to comfort us to to be our friend. I know when I am the most loney, that's when a call to one of my college buddies is the biggest pick-me-up. Just be our friends. Help us to do something to take our minds off it, like video games or whatever in the world girls do.

Its OK to be single. Jesus and Paul even said its better. (Want a surpise? Read 1 Corinthians 7 sometime). I'm not opposed to marriage, neither were they. But singleness have advantages of being able to do whatever you are called to do without concern for your spouse. It is difficult to deal with feelings of loneliness, but better this then getting involved with the wrong person. Many do, based on fear of being alone, and suffer for it.