Depression

I struggle with depression. Not serious. I have NEVER had a suicidal thought. I am not on medication, nor do I require it. But I do have depression sometimes.

Last week was one of those times. It had been years since my last bought of this type. Yet, there it was.

I picked up on the symptoms, late. Loneliness, over eating, trouble sleeping, quick temper. These are the symptoms I personally exhibit, though I imagine it varies from person to person. These symptoms, with a few others, all flared last week.

To make it worse, the dad of one of my closest friends passed away in the same week. I did not know the deceased, nor did I mourn him. So why did it make it worse? Guilt. I had depression and was sitting around feeling sorry for myself, while my friend lost his dad. I am close to my dad, as he was to his, so I cannot even imagine the pain. The guy was 48 years old, and died of the word that makes me sicker than any other, cancer.

My depression began because several, trival things went wrong. They were small. They didn't even make me mad, just frustrated. Then I had one relationship issue that was just a breakdown in communication, but still sent me into a spiral, much like the one years before. I thought I was over the one years before. I am certainly over the girl that started it (she didn't even enter my mind), but the insecurities, the things I found within myself remain. I am still vulnerable to the old hurts. My heart is still indefensable in the same areas.

Depression sucks. Its something we don't really talk about, but it sucks. Its more than a wieght being placed on you. Its like I have no energy, but cannot rest either. It is feeling like if you cry you would feel better, but have no tears (and yes, real men cry when they need to). For me, I do not want to eat, but am constantly hungry. I am constantly pissed, but at no one in particular or about anything in particular.

The good news is, I am doing better now than I was last week. I have found my strength again. I still feel vulerable in certain areas (a difficult thing for men to admit), but my will is being restored. I'm also getting over a cold, which health can also get a person down.

I wrote this, mostly to admit that people do get depressed, and there is hope to overcome.
Some simple suggestions I learned when I went to counselling with my severe bought a few years ago.

1. Talk about it. It helps to admit it.
2. Do the things you don't want to do, like spend time with friends, get out of bed, etc.
3. Excercise. It may not feel like it at first, but simple things like running can really help.
4. Doing nothing won't solve the problem.
5. Seek help. Family, friends, doctors. It really helps more than you know, if you've never gotten help before. It takes a little pride swallowing, but human beings are designed to be interdependant. Get help, and then later you can help others.