Last week my depression went into overdrive. It's tough. I'm not seeing much "fruit" here. It's tough to come to this church and face the feeling that I'm on my own. You'd think after feeling like that my entire life, I'd be used to it, but I never really escape it.
This week, we had a family visit with small kids. They seemed to like it here, which is good. But I was told "You won't get people to staff the nursery." In other words, the church wants young families to come, but not provide anything for these young families. They just want to pad their numbers without the cost.
Moreover, I'm very lonely, especially when I'm around people. The guy who arranged for this job and was supposed to help me never showed when he was supposed to this weekend, which is really great when I'm feeling discouraged and ready to quit.
I had a very angry, very confrontational prayer time before getting in my car and leaving. Most of the time, I want to get in my car and just drive off and find a place to live in the woods somewhere, off grid and away from pressure. I'm tired of feeling like my entire life is lived out of obligation. I'm sick of being obligated to other people. I feel like there are several things that I am supposed to do, but can't because nothing that I do works. Doors get slammed in my face. Windows never really open. I just get trapped, with others staring at me like a performing monkey. I never get to be myself, because I only get to me who I have to be.
As I talked through with some friends of mine, I'm not even sure who I am anymore aside from what other people force me to be. So I'm cutting back on some obligations. I'm trying to decide if ministry needs to be one of them.
Showing posts with label ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ministry. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
New job, same frustrations
So I started at a new church 2 months ago. I already have a family that's pretty well going to leave. Maybe more than one. Ready to hear why?
I touched the chairs.
We had more than two chairs for every person. I took it from 86 to 70. And we average about 42. Do we really need twice as many chairs as people? Nope. This is just dumb.
Think about it this way. Rather than sit somewhere else in the same church, they'd rather go to a different church.
Which change is more drastic? Which is harder?
My thinking is that if we give in on this, then they'll really hate it when I start really changing stuff. I also wonder, what am I worshipping in church, my fat butt, or the God of the Universe? I know my answer. How about yours?
I touched the chairs.
We had more than two chairs for every person. I took it from 86 to 70. And we average about 42. Do we really need twice as many chairs as people? Nope. This is just dumb.
Think about it this way. Rather than sit somewhere else in the same church, they'd rather go to a different church.
Which change is more drastic? Which is harder?
My thinking is that if we give in on this, then they'll really hate it when I start really changing stuff. I also wonder, what am I worshipping in church, my fat butt, or the God of the Universe? I know my answer. How about yours?
Monday, August 13, 2012
Just a quick prayer
I don't normally do this, but I feel the need to write a quick prayer to God.
Father, thank you for sending the Holy Spirit to dwell in your followers. Because I rely on His power so much. I can feel Him working as I write and speak. So much of the good that I do is because of His power and not my own. There have been so many times when I was overwhelmed with His presence, because You had something you were wanting to do, and I just happened to be present, little more than a tool in Your hands. That is such an amazing thing, and something so few people get to be a part of. I am in awe that you choose to use a nothing like me, so that your power comes through. I love you. Nothing in life compares to you. So thank you. In the name of your Son Jesus I pray. Amen.
Father, thank you for sending the Holy Spirit to dwell in your followers. Because I rely on His power so much. I can feel Him working as I write and speak. So much of the good that I do is because of His power and not my own. There have been so many times when I was overwhelmed with His presence, because You had something you were wanting to do, and I just happened to be present, little more than a tool in Your hands. That is such an amazing thing, and something so few people get to be a part of. I am in awe that you choose to use a nothing like me, so that your power comes through. I love you. Nothing in life compares to you. So thank you. In the name of your Son Jesus I pray. Amen.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
An interesting read.
Please read this. And share this. You simply have no idea...
http://www.seejenwrite.com/?p=5301
http://www.seejenwrite.com/?p=5301
That was a long one
I wanted to write about last week. I put in 70+ hours organizing a charitable event. We cleared out a church building last week, and let people bring in donations. This wasn't money. This was stuff. Lots and lots of stuff.
We all have lots of stuff, more than we need. The shame is, many people have less than they need. A lot less. So we collected stuff, as if we were having a yard sale. We sorted stuff. We asked others to donate stuff. Many people even gave up things that they still used, knowing others needed things worse than they did. And yes, we did have people bring in stuff that was stained or broken, but we had others who sorted through and removed items that were too poor of quality for those in need.
Then, after a week of sorting and collecting, we had a fleet of vehicles and an army of volunteers arrive. We loaded up four large trailers, plus every truck, SUV, van or any other vehicle we could find (my station wagon was filled so full that I could not see out the back window, and I had to create space to see out of the passenger side exterior mirror).
Once we arrived Friday night, we set everything up in an hour and a half, due to our army of volunteers actually growing in size.
Why did we do it where we did? We did it in a community center with a gymnasium. It is larger than the church building that we used, and moreover, it is located in the "bad" part of town. The facility was actually the local Boys and Girls Club. But I'll come back to this more in a minute.
Saturday morning, we got there an hour before we opened the doors for our "Free Community Yard Sale." Already the line encompassed the parking lot. The ladies in the front had arrive hours before that. When we did open the doors, we had instructions in both English and Spanish. "We will provide you with one bag" (they were white, kitchen-sized trash bags). "Please fill that, and take anything else you can carry, remembering to leave some for others who need things as well. Also, please return at noon and take more." We had 580+ of the poorest of our community take advantage of this.
How did we know we were helping the right people? The Sunday before, we had another army of volunteers walk the streets of the "bad" end of town, and tape flyers (English on one side, Espanol on the other) to the houses there. We also got a local elementary pass them out to their poorest students (the schools always have the best grasp on this) and of course the local Boys and Girls Club. This targetted measure (as opposed to a newspaper add) meant we got the people there that we wanted to be there. And we took it to them, since many were not able to come to us (we actually had many volunteers help people carry things to bus stops or even to their front porches, since most were too poor to afford transportation. Had we not taken the stuff to them, we would have missed those who needed most).
The bottom line is this is about social justice and unconditional love. Instead of throwing money into programs that don't work, we gave people what they needed. We had stories of people who got clothes for job interviews, coats for their kids, or Christmas presents for grandkids. These are things people couldn't afford on their own. We even helped the local BGC, since we were in their facility. We donated snacks that they sold to raise money, and were recruiting people to send their kids there. We did not make the mistake of doing what many churches do, make them come to us and sit through a half hour explanation of the Bible that no one listens to. Why is this a mistake? It says to them "We only care about converting you. We don't care about you." That's not what those that do such things think, but that is what they hear. In contrast, we wore bright orange shirts, with a our church name and motto (Love God. Love One Another. Love the World) on the front, and "Because God cares, we care" on the back. It let them talk to us, and showed them unconditional love. We don't love them on the condition that they become one of us. We love them period. Interestingly, this gives them the opportunity to become one of us without feeling pressured to. It is counterintuitive, but it works.
The important thing is now, what can you do to meet a concrete need in your community? This may not work were you are, but something will. Find it.
We all have lots of stuff, more than we need. The shame is, many people have less than they need. A lot less. So we collected stuff, as if we were having a yard sale. We sorted stuff. We asked others to donate stuff. Many people even gave up things that they still used, knowing others needed things worse than they did. And yes, we did have people bring in stuff that was stained or broken, but we had others who sorted through and removed items that were too poor of quality for those in need.
Then, after a week of sorting and collecting, we had a fleet of vehicles and an army of volunteers arrive. We loaded up four large trailers, plus every truck, SUV, van or any other vehicle we could find (my station wagon was filled so full that I could not see out the back window, and I had to create space to see out of the passenger side exterior mirror).
Once we arrived Friday night, we set everything up in an hour and a half, due to our army of volunteers actually growing in size.
Why did we do it where we did? We did it in a community center with a gymnasium. It is larger than the church building that we used, and moreover, it is located in the "bad" part of town. The facility was actually the local Boys and Girls Club. But I'll come back to this more in a minute.
Saturday morning, we got there an hour before we opened the doors for our "Free Community Yard Sale." Already the line encompassed the parking lot. The ladies in the front had arrive hours before that. When we did open the doors, we had instructions in both English and Spanish. "We will provide you with one bag" (they were white, kitchen-sized trash bags). "Please fill that, and take anything else you can carry, remembering to leave some for others who need things as well. Also, please return at noon and take more." We had 580+ of the poorest of our community take advantage of this.
How did we know we were helping the right people? The Sunday before, we had another army of volunteers walk the streets of the "bad" end of town, and tape flyers (English on one side, Espanol on the other) to the houses there. We also got a local elementary pass them out to their poorest students (the schools always have the best grasp on this) and of course the local Boys and Girls Club. This targetted measure (as opposed to a newspaper add) meant we got the people there that we wanted to be there. And we took it to them, since many were not able to come to us (we actually had many volunteers help people carry things to bus stops or even to their front porches, since most were too poor to afford transportation. Had we not taken the stuff to them, we would have missed those who needed most).
The bottom line is this is about social justice and unconditional love. Instead of throwing money into programs that don't work, we gave people what they needed. We had stories of people who got clothes for job interviews, coats for their kids, or Christmas presents for grandkids. These are things people couldn't afford on their own. We even helped the local BGC, since we were in their facility. We donated snacks that they sold to raise money, and were recruiting people to send their kids there. We did not make the mistake of doing what many churches do, make them come to us and sit through a half hour explanation of the Bible that no one listens to. Why is this a mistake? It says to them "We only care about converting you. We don't care about you." That's not what those that do such things think, but that is what they hear. In contrast, we wore bright orange shirts, with a our church name and motto (Love God. Love One Another. Love the World) on the front, and "Because God cares, we care" on the back. It let them talk to us, and showed them unconditional love. We don't love them on the condition that they become one of us. We love them period. Interestingly, this gives them the opportunity to become one of us without feeling pressured to. It is counterintuitive, but it works.
The important thing is now, what can you do to meet a concrete need in your community? This may not work were you are, but something will. Find it.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Woah.
I preached at my church this weekend. I do this a few times a year, but this time I had no idea what to preach on. It was just rough for me. Eventually I preached on Luke 9:57-62. This is a tough teaching from Jesus, and I just struggled. When you teach on a passage like this, most people just tune you out. I just didn't feel this one. That happens as a preacher sometimes.
Funny thing about preaching, some sermons you think "This is good..." and people don't get a word of it. Sometimes, you think "well I laid an egg" and that one just hits some people particularly hard. This one fit the latter category.
Some people were really hit hard. We had something happen that rarely happens. A lady who came to church for the first time came forward to be baptized. Mostly, when someone comes forward, they had a conversation with us at some point before. We know they are coming. Occassionally someone comes forward as a surprise, but never have I had someone come forward that was there for the first time.
That shows me one thing. Even after all this time, I still have no clue when the Holy Spirit will chose to move. God will do what He will despite of my best efforts. Just a simple reminder to me: it's not about me. God is the one who is in control.
Funny thing about preaching, some sermons you think "This is good..." and people don't get a word of it. Sometimes, you think "well I laid an egg" and that one just hits some people particularly hard. This one fit the latter category.
Some people were really hit hard. We had something happen that rarely happens. A lady who came to church for the first time came forward to be baptized. Mostly, when someone comes forward, they had a conversation with us at some point before. We know they are coming. Occassionally someone comes forward as a surprise, but never have I had someone come forward that was there for the first time.
That shows me one thing. Even after all this time, I still have no clue when the Holy Spirit will chose to move. God will do what He will despite of my best efforts. Just a simple reminder to me: it's not about me. God is the one who is in control.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Treasure in Clay Jars
Do you ever think about how strange God is (at least by our feeble minds)? I mean, think about it. If I were an all-knowing, all-powerful God, I wouldn't have created humanity. We treat God like crap. He knew that we would. He knew that we would rebel. He knew that we would betray Him. And He created us and gave us the free will to do it. That's just strange.
And how would you have come to these people? Would you speak to a select few people to speak on your behalf? No, I would have flattened the globe out like a paper wad, then yelled at everyone until the either soiled their shorts or died in fear.
And how would you appear to these people? Would you have sent God the Son as a baby, or as a conqueror? As a peasant or a ruler? As a poor person, or as a king? Would you walk among humanity like one of them, knowing the world would virtually miss it? Would you have died for people that hate you to teach them of your love, or would you have massacred them for talking back to you?
I fear most of you would have done what I would have, which was the opposite of what He did. You know, I have said for years that I don't understand everything about God (or hardly anything for that matter, at least in the grand scheme of things) and that gives me great comfort. If I could understand everything about God, that would mean that He is like me, and that's a scary thought. The more I get to know Him, the more I understand how little I understand of Him.
What got me thinking about this today is how He still chooses to work. Again, if I were Him, I wouldn't send others to work on my behalf. Well, maybe the angels. But I would probably do it myself instead of relying on the most unreliable creatures on earth-us.
I think this astounded the apostle Paul too. 2 Corinthians 4:1-2, 5-7 says, “Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God… 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
The greatest treasure on earth-the good news that God loves us so much that instead of allowing us to die for our sins, sent Jesus to die for us so that if we will love and trust Him, can live forever with Him in heaven-yeah, that treasure He leaves to us. Is He crazy? Not according to Paul. According to Paul, God is merciful. God choses to work in us and through us. Wow. God is strange. But I love Him for it.
And how would you have come to these people? Would you speak to a select few people to speak on your behalf? No, I would have flattened the globe out like a paper wad, then yelled at everyone until the either soiled their shorts or died in fear.
And how would you appear to these people? Would you have sent God the Son as a baby, or as a conqueror? As a peasant or a ruler? As a poor person, or as a king? Would you walk among humanity like one of them, knowing the world would virtually miss it? Would you have died for people that hate you to teach them of your love, or would you have massacred them for talking back to you?
I fear most of you would have done what I would have, which was the opposite of what He did. You know, I have said for years that I don't understand everything about God (or hardly anything for that matter, at least in the grand scheme of things) and that gives me great comfort. If I could understand everything about God, that would mean that He is like me, and that's a scary thought. The more I get to know Him, the more I understand how little I understand of Him.
What got me thinking about this today is how He still chooses to work. Again, if I were Him, I wouldn't send others to work on my behalf. Well, maybe the angels. But I would probably do it myself instead of relying on the most unreliable creatures on earth-us.
I think this astounded the apostle Paul too. 2 Corinthians 4:1-2, 5-7 says, “Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God… 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
The greatest treasure on earth-the good news that God loves us so much that instead of allowing us to die for our sins, sent Jesus to die for us so that if we will love and trust Him, can live forever with Him in heaven-yeah, that treasure He leaves to us. Is He crazy? Not according to Paul. According to Paul, God is merciful. God choses to work in us and through us. Wow. God is strange. But I love Him for it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
What NCIS Taught Me About Preaching
Lately, I've been trying to explain to my Senior Minister, an older man, how I preach. We younger generations have a new way of preaching, deviating from the old three-point sermon. I tried to explain that I write less like a research paper and more like writing a story. I finally found a particular style of story that helps illustrate story in a way that is easier to match in a style that applies to preaching: NCIS.
An episode of NCIS or any other crime drama follows a basic formula, usually divided by commercial breaks. In trying to write a sermon like a story in a way that younger generations understand, I think this formula is useful.
Introduction
This introduction in a crime drama, it usually includes discovering the body. It usually includes some people doing something that doesn’t necessarily relate to the overall story. It is only an introduction that grabs the attention and sets up the overall narrative. This can often be done through a humorous story, but can also be a video clip or even a special song.
Credits
NCIS, staring Mark Harmon. Ok, that doesn’t quite apply. What usually comes here is me first telling people where to turn in their Bibles, and describing what the series is.
“Grab your gear.”
When this order comes in NCIS, the team heads to the scene. This is where you actually take a first look at the text and start the investigation.
The suspects
The team starts to interview people that knew the victim and witnesses, which serve as the usual suspects. Often those friends and witnesses turn into suspects. As this applies to preaching, this often means looking at the world’s perspective. As we know, the world’s perspective is often that of Jesus and those who follow him. This focuses on the ways that we want to be apart from God, and also the things that keep us from following God.
Continued investigation
Gibbs heads to talk to Abby and Ducky. In preaching, we look deeper at the text. This often includes things that you have gleaned from Commentaries, Bible Dictionaries, and other sources. This is where background information helps reveal more depth in the text, and this is also where I usually use quotes from others who have written or spoken on the text.
Busted
This ends with a suspect in the Interrogation Room, who someone on the team gets to confess. This is where you really shut the door on the world’s perspective and show God’s true perspective. It is that this point that they have the choice: the world or God. This involves challenging your hearers to specifically apply the text to their lives, which also may include a testimony of how you applying it to your life if relevant.
End
The team usually sits around the office talking about the case. In many cases, one or more of the team members had some type of change or development throughout the episode. In every text, there is some type of what has been called an “evangelistic nugget.” There is something in that text that points directly to who God is: His grace, His forgiveness, the cross itself. Use this evangelistic nugget to lead people to the cross, and offer an invitation based directly upon that nugget.
*I should also point out that as the sermon progresses, especially moving from "the suspects" forward, it should start far away, and draw closer and closer to God's standard until you meet God Himself. In other words, the world's standard, usually the churchy compromise, and then how we should be.
An episode of NCIS or any other crime drama follows a basic formula, usually divided by commercial breaks. In trying to write a sermon like a story in a way that younger generations understand, I think this formula is useful.
Introduction
This introduction in a crime drama, it usually includes discovering the body. It usually includes some people doing something that doesn’t necessarily relate to the overall story. It is only an introduction that grabs the attention and sets up the overall narrative. This can often be done through a humorous story, but can also be a video clip or even a special song.
Credits
NCIS, staring Mark Harmon. Ok, that doesn’t quite apply. What usually comes here is me first telling people where to turn in their Bibles, and describing what the series is.
“Grab your gear.”
When this order comes in NCIS, the team heads to the scene. This is where you actually take a first look at the text and start the investigation.
The suspects
The team starts to interview people that knew the victim and witnesses, which serve as the usual suspects. Often those friends and witnesses turn into suspects. As this applies to preaching, this often means looking at the world’s perspective. As we know, the world’s perspective is often that of Jesus and those who follow him. This focuses on the ways that we want to be apart from God, and also the things that keep us from following God.
Continued investigation
Gibbs heads to talk to Abby and Ducky. In preaching, we look deeper at the text. This often includes things that you have gleaned from Commentaries, Bible Dictionaries, and other sources. This is where background information helps reveal more depth in the text, and this is also where I usually use quotes from others who have written or spoken on the text.
Busted
This ends with a suspect in the Interrogation Room, who someone on the team gets to confess. This is where you really shut the door on the world’s perspective and show God’s true perspective. It is that this point that they have the choice: the world or God. This involves challenging your hearers to specifically apply the text to their lives, which also may include a testimony of how you applying it to your life if relevant.
End
The team usually sits around the office talking about the case. In many cases, one or more of the team members had some type of change or development throughout the episode. In every text, there is some type of what has been called an “evangelistic nugget.” There is something in that text that points directly to who God is: His grace, His forgiveness, the cross itself. Use this evangelistic nugget to lead people to the cross, and offer an invitation based directly upon that nugget.
*I should also point out that as the sermon progresses, especially moving from "the suspects" forward, it should start far away, and draw closer and closer to God's standard until you meet God Himself. In other words, the world's standard, usually the churchy compromise, and then how we should be.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Ministry in the words of ministers
This is a video from when some ministers went to dinner with their wives and recorded a short video. I thought I'd share it.
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